Safety
by ioanhoratio
Summary: Based loosely on spoilers for the premier.  On the anniversary of a dark day in history, Danny deals with memories from the past.


**Safety**

**By: ioanhoratio**

**A/N: WARNING, this is loosely based off the concept for the premier of this season. So if you are staying spoiler free please be aware! I don't really know much about the premier just about some things that are going to be addressed. This story came to my mind this morning when I saw a twitter pic of Carmine on the set of the premier. I wrote it quickly, so I apologize for any errors. **

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><p>He couldn't sleep. The memories that insisted being relived forced Danny Messer out of bed. He knew his tossing and turning would eventually wake his wife, and finally he just made the decision to get up.<p>

_He was running. His muscles were screaming as he pounded away at the concrete. _

Despite the pre-dawn hours, he was restless. He moved through the halls of the apartment, taking care to walk quietly, each placement of his foot gentle in the silence.

_His voice was raw from yelling and from breathing in the thick blanket of dust that had billowed around him. He was trying desperately to be heard over the roar of terror as he shouted at people to get to safety._

He nudged the door to his daughter's room open, wincing as the door gave a tiny squeak. Thankfully the slumbering toddler didn't move, and Danny tiptoed over to her bed. The teddy bear night light cast a harsh shadow across the room, but he was able to clearly make out her chubby cheeks and rosebud mouth. She had rolled onto her stomach, her face pressed firmly against the mattress, squishing her cheek up. Danny smiled at the image she made; so innocent, so unaware of all the horrors.

_He didn't understand what was going on. No one did. He just knew he had to get as many people away from here as possible. He had been off duty, out doing his grocery shopping, but that didn't matter. He ran with fellow police officers towards the danger._

Lucy shifted in her sleep and Danny quickly backtracked, not willing to risk waking his child so early, and he left her to sleep and dream. He was back to wandering the apartment. He didn't want to turn on the t.v. knowing they would be replaying the images that were already playing in his head.

He found himself standing in front of the shelf Lindsay had put up for the express purpose of holding photographs. He couldn't help returning the smiles he was greeted with. Smiles from him and Lindsay as they dated, from their wedding day, from the hospital room the day Lucy was born, from Lucy's infant face, from her first birthday and Christmas. So many happy moments immortalized by the click of a button. Danny let them wash over him.

_He could barely see now. The sunlight had been choked out, and he grabbed desperately at something to cover his face. He stumbled over a forgotten laundry basket that had been dropped in the chaos. He grabbed a t-shirt of some kind and wound it around his face. His eyes burned, but still he ran. _

Danny shook his head, the battle raging in his mind, trying to reconcile the past ten years with the horrors of that day. He had to move, he had to find something to help him. He meandered to the kitchen and reflexively opened the refrigerator, his eyes squinting against the sudden, bright light that filled the room. He searched blindly for something to eat, but his stomach rolled. He felt queasy. He let the door close, plunging the room into darkness.

_He was close enough now he could hear the screaming. People were crying out for help from all directions. Their cries for loved ones filled the air battling with the dust. It was overwhelming. The bile rose in his throat and he fought against the nausea. He didn't know what to do, how to help. He kept giving directions, hoping that he was sending people to safety._

He found himself back in his bedroom. He moved to the window and gently pulled up the blinds filling the room with moonlight. He gazed out across the city he knew so well, and mourned for the loss. He didn't know if he would ever adjust to the changes of its landscape, to the scars it so clearly bore.

_He had caught up with a group from his precinct, and was taken aback to hear that their Captain was gone, lost in the rubble of the first building. Now wasn't the time to grieve, their first priority was saving as many lives as possible. The ground beneath them fought their attempts as it shook. His ears began to ring and he felt as if he had been sucked into a tunnel of the subway. It was the same sound that had permeated his very soul earlier, the sound of hundreds of souls leaving the earth. He couldn't see, but he knew; the second building had fallen._

He turned away from window, the sounds still echoing in his ears. He throat was dry and his head began to ache from the pain of it all. He moved to the bed, his body was desperate for release. He wanted to run, to pound his fist into something, to shout and scream, anything to fight the feelings that were burning in his body. The confusion that clouded his soul frustrated him, strangling his reality. He stood over her, just as he had done his daughter. She lay on her side, her face relaxed and snuggled into her pillow. She was beautiful. She was happiness. She was hope. She was life.

Without thinking he called her name.

Immediately he regretted his actions, clamping his hand over his mouth. He hadn't meant to try and wake her, his body had simply acted. He held his breath.

Lindsay had only moved slightly, her face rolling away from the pillow, and Danny believed she would sleep on, but he watched as her hand shot out to his side of the bed, feeling for him. She gave a small grunt and rolled over completely, again reaching out for him. He watched fascinated as her hand run up and down the mattress before her eyes opened slowly. She sat up suddenly looking around, her face was scrunched up comically, and Danny wasn't sure if she was quite awake or not.

"Danny?" her voice croaked into the pale light.

He moved gently closer to the bed, not wanting to scare her. "Right here."

"Wha…what time is it?" she asked, her sleep addled mind trying to make sense of being awake.

"It's early," he answered simply, his gaze caught by the smoothness of her face, the wildness of her short hair as a section stuck out in all directions.

She nodded and fell back against the pillows. "Lucy?" she whispered, assuming—and rightly so—that he was out of bed at such a time of night because their baby girl needed something.

He could see her eyes closing, already giving into the desire to fall back into slumber, but suddenly he didn't want her to. He wanted to be with her, speak with her.

"She's fine. I jus' couldn't sleep."

"Ok," she breathed, pulling the covers up around her and wiggling down into the bed. He could see the moment his words penetrated, and she frowned. She moved the covers away a bit and looked up at him. "Huh?" she asked him, blinking rapidly.

He again regretted waking her. "Nothin' babe, jus' go back to sleep."

She groaned and shook her head, years of waking in the middle of the night by a crying baby had trained her well, and he saw her force her heavy eyes awake. "What's wrong?" she pressed, reaching out a hand for him. He took it and sat down next to her body.

He didn't know what to say, what to tell her and just blurted, "You weren't here ten years ago."

She gave him a confused look. "What?"

"You weren't hear ten yeas ago, an' I'm glad about that."

She brought a hand to her face and with the heel rubbed at her eyes before saying, "Danny I'm not following."

His chest began to fill with emotion. "You weren't here ten years ago. It was horrible Linds. Awful. I'm so glad you weren't here. So many people lost so much. I'm glad you're here now, but I'm glad you weren't then. So many people, they lost…they lost their Lindsay or their Lucy…so many people…"

_He could hear their please. They were coming form every where._

"_Have you seen this man? My husband, please have you seen him?"_

"_Help me please!"_

"_No! You gotta let me down there. My sister worked there. I gotta find 'er!"_

"_My God! They're jumping."_

"_Sarah! Sarah where are you?"_

"_Get outta there! Get outta there!"_

"_Mark, Justin…my sons!"_

"_Claire!"_

_It went on and on. So many voices, so many names, and there was nothing he could do to change it._

Realization began to dawn. "Oh, baby," she cried sitting up. She wrapped her arms tightly around his body and he buried his head against her chest. The tears fell from his eyes and he clung to her. He heard her words of comfort, of love. He felt her hand in his hair, and the tender stroking of his back. The memories from that horrible day were finally slowing, leaving a deep sense of loss in their wake. She rocked them slowly back and forth as deep sobs wrenched from his body. She held him up as he grieved.

Danny could feel his sorrow beginning to ebb, and he leaned heavily against her. He responded to her gentle promptings and the pair collapsed back onto the bed. Not once did she release her tight hold on him, even as she maneuvered them back under the blankets. She began kissing away his tears, and he didn't fight her when those kisses became more than ones of simple comfort. He welcomed her caresses and expressions of tenderness.

In the early light of a new day the couple made love in the quiet, and afterwards, in the safety of her arms, Danny slept peacefully.

The end.


End file.
